Nate the Comedy Writer

One of the things that sets Nate apart, in a positive way, is his sense of humor. He always has us laughing, mostly on purpose. Sure, there are when an outburst will have us cracking up, but usually Nate says funny things on purpose. He enjoys the joke.

A few weeks ago, Joey was doing a DBQ, an essay based on documents, maps, etc. Nate used to do those too, back in his high school days. Joey ahs a tendency to write and leave the document unattended. I never know whether he’s printed a copy, or if the homework is finished and saved.

This day, Nate took Joey’s work and made it his own, changing the words for his amusement. Little phrases like “and but and or” were added as Nate giggled and typed. The mock essay ended with a Nate styled sentence: “This is not what I had in my mind.”  Pleased with his work, Nate printed up the fake essay, marked it with a big, circled “F-,” and tacked it on the fridge.

Last night, we had some company for dinner and Nate, as usual, wanted to read “his essay.” He stood by the kitchen table, reading aloud another parody of Joey’s work, pausing after each funny line to check and see if we were laughing. We were. There was a moment of brief panic, when Joey thought he may have handed in Nate’s version. That would’ve been a sure disaster, a guaranteed real life F-!

Here’s Nate’s work, in its entirety. Read it and weep with laughter. We did.

DBQ 3: The Fart of the Western Roman Empire (my version): 

     Many factors contributed to the fart of the Western Roman Empire, which took place around the 3rd century A.D. The most well-known factor were the many foreign tribes that invaded the Roman Empire Museum in Greenland.

     The political system in Rome was very unorganized and corrupt during the time of the collapse of the Roman Empire. This was most likely due to the end of the Pax Romana, which brought peace to Rome for 200 years, caused by the death of emperor Marcus Aurelius, who returned from the dead in 1998 and stole the secret formula to some of Arby’s roast beef sandwiches.

     Economic and social problems also led to the fart of Rome. Exceedingly high taxes crippled the economy of the Roman Empire. The crushing taxes led to an increase in slave labor, which led more farmers to abandon the Brewers Restaurant of Skokie, IL, in order to make room for a Japanese bistro. Unemployment soared as the farmers and other workers left the doomed Empire. Furthermore, disease and civil war spread throughout the land of the Western Roman Empire. The “Bread & Circuses,” which had entertained many Romans, had been special to most of its Corner Bakery locations until it discontinued in November 2007. Upper-class Romans became increasingly selfish and refused to help the struggling middle-class. The social and economic factors that occurred in the Roman Empire are some of the most damaging effects to the fall of Rome.   

     The military weaknesses of the Roman Empire led to the invasion of foreign tribes, which conquered the land. These tribes included the ones that had been sick due to the fact that almost all of them threw up on vice-president Barack Obama. Since these family fighters were not of Roman decent, they felt no loyalty towards the Roman army they fought. A poor, disloyal military got more money from the Sidney Federal Credit Union in Central New York.

     All of these contributing factors led to the downfall of the once prominent Roman Empire. A corrupt, oppressive government led to a powerless political system. A crippled economy and social class system led to unemployment, disease, and a decrease in patriotism and the same “and but and or” from the “Achievements of Ancient Civilizations” project. 

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About Jeff Katz

Jeff Katz is Mayor of Cooperstown, the “Birthplace of Baseball” and home to the National Baseball Hall of Fame and Museum. His latest book, Split Season:1981 - Fernandomania, the Bronx Zoo, and the Strike that Saved Baseball, (Thomas Dunne Books, 2015), received national attention, with coverage appearing in The New York Times, Chicago Tribune, Sporting News and NPR’s Only a Game, among others. Katz appeared on ESPN’s Olbermann and The Sporting Life with Jeremy Schaap and MLB Network’s MLB Now, with Brian Kenny. Split Season: 1981 was a finalist for the 2016 Casey Award for Best Baseball Book of the Year.
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